You Want Me to What?

When I first dreamed of being an author, I didn't put a few things into that dream. I didn't see myself freaking out about having to ask bookstores if I can do a signing. I didn't see myself crying when they said no, or feeling like I'd made it to some new level when they said yes and/or invited me to come. The emotional roller coaster was unforeseen, of course. I'm not truly an introvert. I'm perfectly fine standing in front of a lot of people to speak or read something. I'm fine going to large parties for about an hour until my little sensor overloads. The problem is when I feel like I'm trying to push something on someone that I clam up and freak out. Selling my writing - not so easy. I keep thinking, well, who really wants to read this? It's not my place to push it under anyone's nose. But to sell books, you have to be seen, and to be seen, you have to sell yourself and your writing, which means actually talking to people about your books. Yeah, go figure.

When I launched Cinders, my self-published novella, I didn't freak out like I did with Monarch. I think it was mostly because I knew it was all supposed to be really small and not a big deal. I had a small launch party at my home, but that was it. Monarch - that was different because it felt bigger, like it needed more attention and a really big party to celebrate it. Totally fine! But as the true debut of my career, Monarch pushed my "holy crap, I have to do what?" button, I realized what I was really getting into with all of this authorly stuff.

Not that you have to do anything with promoting your books when you're published, but for me, I've felt I need to. It sure does help to sell books, and there's this sort of driving need (at least for me) to impress my publisher and other authors around me. I like to put things on my NEWS & EVENTS list. It looks and feels important that I'm doing things as an author and getting out there to promote my work. Small things so far, but still. So I put discomfort aside and get out there in baby steps. I was really happy when The King's English Bookstore invited me to be on the panel at their local author showcase. I organized my own launch party at a little desert cafe called The Chocolate. It was a smashing success despite my nerves the entire time. I was thrilled when my hometown's local bookstores decided to carry some of my books. It was a big step for me to go in there and just ask.

And, well, that's it for community stuff so far - until tomorrow!

Tomorrow I am going to my hometown's library to set up a table with my books. Local artisans and vendors will be there selling their stuff, too. It's seven hours. I'm not sure I will be able to stay the entire time without my sensor overloading and making me go home, but it was all my idea to go, so I have to make the best of it no matter how nervous I get. For now I need to go design a poster and get it uploaded to Costco so I can pick it up later today. And candy. There will be candy on my table. And the new bookmarks I had made for The Breakaway. They are arriving today from UPS. Here's the back. Sigh. So pretty. It's the little things that keep me going through this. Even if nobody buys any of my books tomorrow, I will know I've done something to put myself out there - and it's not only a good step for my career, it's a good step for me as a person and a good way for me to break down a shell I've been breaking down my entire life.